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Looking for information on ECT Electroconvulsive Therapy

G
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Dear G,

It can be difficult to stay at the side of a wave rider when we are either running off chasing our next great idea or so down in the dumps that we cannot move. Please understand that often, though not right, we will choose to lash out at those we love the most. Usually, it has very little to do with the person that we are angry at. We are usually angry at ourselves for getting into too many things and not being able to keep them going. We get angry because we cannot stay on the "up" wave. When we learn to moderate our waves and design our lives from a mid-wave view we begin to also become better people and usually much nicer to those around us. When you are very close to someone you are sometimes that last person that will be able to help. You will only be able to help if you have set up something (like trigger words) prior to any swing in mood. Usually what we need most is space without judgement. It is always best to talk to us about serious matters when we are in the mid-wave as we will be too optimistic on the high wave and too pessimistic during the low wave. The real us lies in the middle.

Good luck with the discussion. I hope you get lots of replies.
Take care
Indigo


Dear G,
I am Bi-Polar and was diagnosed shortly after breaking up with someone who was Bi-Polar. Now that was one wavy relationship! I don't think I'd suggest that to anyone. I find myself thinking maybe we could have made it work if I'd know more about Bi and had known I was also. Oh well, it is over. I think I dealt much better with them when I was in a good place, then it was easier for me to remember the love and not take the moods or things they said seriously. So I guess I suggest reading and asking this question is a good start. If you and your honey can work together I think you may come to appreciate the up, but not too up fun and creative times! Wish I could be more help! One note: my honey decided not to take meds and became violent which I did not understand what was going on or Bi-Polar so did not handle as well as I might have. I don't suggest anyone allow the violent storms some of us have-to go untreated, it is OK to protect yourself and any children, and the spouse too! One thing I like about my life is I'm never bored! I've been diagnosed about two years now and the first year suffered from a concussion from auto accident which I think set off the really bad times I had that led to my being in hospital for first time, that and the abuse. I think learning more and more will help me and I'VE GOT TO GET A COPY OF THE BOOK!
Zemira
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Dear Zemira
I think that if you a living witha person that has bi-polar you must learn to ride the wave just like the person who has bi-polar. It is easy to leave when it gets rocky but it is easyer to stay together when the going is smooth. My saying at one time was, life is a bowl of cherrys with a pit here and there. Now the saying is live is a bowl of cherrys with a hand full of pits. Now saying that I am not saying that am going to leave but a did and still have to learn how to ride the wave or how to get around the pits. I hope that you can find some one to ride your waves with.
G

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Dear G,

I think the trick is to work out if you're talking to the illness or the person. I still haven't managed to do it yet. I'm not sure if we're rowing because we're having a row, or if it's because we're going through another cycle. Personally I try my hardest not to let the illness come between us by almost ignoring it. If my fiancé starts to get unreasonably annoyed with me then I will not let that get to me. But then you're in a quandary. Are you trying to ignore the anger because it's a mood swing, or because she's right and you are not ready to acknowledge you're in the wrong. I don't know. Let me know if you do.

Yours, TA

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I never try to ignore my mood or my wifes mood, what I have tryed to do is to re-work how I respone to the moods. And I know that you are very right in saying that you have to learn who you are talking to the up or the down partner, this all takes time.
G

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Dear G
It is exhausting, walking on these eggshells. How do you do it?

I am known to be a happy, generous, optimistic person by those in our community, family, etc, but I have to confess that, on the inside, I am both depressed and afraid. I find that I can never make long term plans of any sort, as the decisions jointly made will most certainly be unmade. I can't invite people for dinner next Saturday, because my husbands mood will have changed by then. Our finances are in a terrible shambles despite the fact that he makes a good deal of money, and my anxiety levels are, though subdued, over the top.

How do you cope? I am 42 and have been married 20 years. I married so young that I have never really led my own life- job, house, kids, etc.- and question whether I could really manage on my own. Counsellors and family members, including my daughter, have encouraged me to leave many times.

Do you ever feel like your life is so filled with caring for the glaring needs of your wife -including trying to stave off impending swings toward mania or depression or cleaning up the aftermath- that there is little room for you to live your OWN life? I have utterly forgotten what my hopes and dreams used to be. Now I just hope that he doesn't quit his job again and that we stave off bankruptcy.

Sorry to sound so glum. It's an old question that I have never been able to ask of someone who has been there. : ) C Send a Reply to C.

HI C
Iam having a real hard time replying to your letter. Not that I dont have anything to say but rather on how to say it. I come from a back groung that I think lets me handle things in a way that others cant. Iam a widower 2 times over (please dont say sorry) and I think that lets me deal with my wife's bi-polar. My frist wife died after a long illness with many ups and down not unlike my wife now. I have always said this to people when you lose someone to in death that there is no one to talk too,smile with laugh with, hold hands with, or even yell at. So the way I look at it is that no matter how low or how high she gets she is still there to do all these thing with. As for having your own life we make what we can of are that we are given and have taken. In other words take the time that others give to you for yourself, and dont forget to take time for yourself. Always look on the bright side of life. Always try to smile from your heart as well as your face. And what ever you do try not to let your other half bring you into there mood. My wife like T.V. shows that are murder mystery and very in-depth. Mine is comedy I always try to giggle and smile on the inside and outside. I hope that this helps you in some way. As for leaving that is something that you and only you can tell if it best for you. No matter what people say, no matter who they are, you are the only one who can say what is best for you.
Oh by the way I just saw the happy face : ) I like it.

G Send a Reply to G.

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